you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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