I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
