I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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