hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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