everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
