He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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