im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
