Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
