I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
