My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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