at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
