Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
