I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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