he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
