I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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