I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
