The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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