smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
