what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
