so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
