2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
