I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There are leaves in my underwear?
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