oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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