Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
