I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize