her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize