I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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