been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
