Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
