How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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