carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
