seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
