i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
