I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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