First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize