Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
