ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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