I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
