I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize