why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
