people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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