just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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