apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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