someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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