I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
