I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
