You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
