Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
