I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
