Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
