he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
