Don't make out with my wife yet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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