I need help removing her.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
