My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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