We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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