He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
