Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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