Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
