Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
