i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
